Human cloning needs to happen now. There is only one reason why, and it is the most definitive and ultimate answer in the modern argument. Ed Hoculi. I used it the other day to explain why I forgot to walk the dog.

“What the hell were you doing?”
“Ed Hoculi?”
“Well, I guess I will do it and never bring it up again.”

And indeed it will be, because as long as Ed Hoculi is alive, I fear nothing. Nothing that is, but Ed Hoculi.

Ed, a 55 year old former UTEP linebacker, currently a successful Phoenix lawyer and father of six, is all that is man, and by proxy, the most dangerous man alive. He can kill with a glance, break bones with a punch, and is not afraid to dish out 15 yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalties so harsh, it actually scares players straight. Indeed if Ed Hoculi was the ref of every NFL game, world hunger would be eliminated in a matter of hours.

You may ask, why is this? Well, when Ed Hoculi is awoken after 5 straight hours of rigorous lovemaking to his lovely wife by his massive pythons’ hunger calls, Ed feeds them the finest of all the worlds foods, an entire bull, stuffed with corn-dogs, which he carefully placed inside them earlier in the week by punching the breaded frankfurter through their skin and into their body. This process is so revolutionary it is called Hoculizing and it happens so fast that the impact of the punch will not hit them until the cows drop dead later in the week. You may be surprised that Ed can do this, but it is not uncommon for Ed Hoculi to defy the laws of modern science. This is what is known as the Hoculi Effect and it is how numerous NFL players have died, only to be covered up by the police as pedestrian and tragic. They are indeed tragic, but not pedestrian by any means...They are Hoculian. Ed also can take sorrow out of the widows and mourning girlfriends of these players by placing his hands over their bellybutton. There he sucks out the sorrow by a method he developed hanging out in a Albuquerque YMCA. It is 100 percent effective and the only FDA approved cure for cancer. Ed Hoculi heals on every second Tuesday of the month, and sometimes before and after games if he is in a good mood.

But I digress, and you shouldn’t do that frequently, because Ed hates doddlers...After Ed has fed his biceptial overlords, he goes to his basement and frees innocent people over the phone, even though it is not his area of law, while constantly lifting weights. When he is finished with the dumbbells he eats them and later on takes a dump so massive that it can make the desert sediment the most fertile in the world, but no one would ever suspect that Ed Hoculi takes huge shits, because Ed Hoculi’s fecal remnants smell like autumn.

Sometimes when Ed gets angry he hands out holding penalties to the entire world. This is what is known as having a bad day. It happens to all of us, and the only way to avoid them is to be Ed Hoculi.

Ed Hoculi is all that is man. He was this before he was born, and was already building his legacy higher by the time that chump Chuck Norris got a bunch of ivy leaguers to kiss his ass so he could be famous again.

Ed Hoculi lets you kiss his pythons, in return for you getting to live. You are of more use to Ed Hoculi when you are alive. Only Ed Hoculi knows why.

Ed Hoculi wears the number 85 because that is the approximate circumference of each of his guns. No one knows for sure because every tape measurer that has been wrapped around his arms has exploded due to the tension caused by wrapping his arms.

It is also coincidental that Ed Hoculi wears 85 on the back of his uniform, because that is the exact amount of people he has killed by accidentally touching them. Sometimes for no apparent reason, Ed Hoculi emits lasers from the palms of his hands. Then again, with Ed Hoculi, everything happens for a reason. So we should all fear the lasers. And henceforth Ed Hoculi. He is fear itself, and that is an automatic FIRST DOWN.

On The Baseball Season Thus Far

The June 1st Report

AL Central:
They Showed Me:
“4. Detroit Tigers-The Tigers are good enough to play .500 ball in 2006, but it is doubtful that they will. David Dombrowski did a good job in the off season by hiring Jim Leyland, a manager that deserves more credit than he gets, and bolstering the pitching staff. This team will be a force in the Central for years to come, and glances of that will be flashed at times in 2006.”
-Dieter Kurtenbach 3.22.06 “2006 Major League Preview”
In my defense, I was only a year off. And I was not really writing them off, I just figured that they needed a year to get there. Now they are the best team in the Majors and it appears that they are there to stay. But not so fast! The pitching staff is coming apart slowly, and a recent series against the Yankees in which they lost 3 of 4 show that their bullpen lacks depth, and their hitting does not show up sometimes. The scary part: they came back to tie or lead the game in every single on of their losses. As their schedule becomes a little more daunting, we will see if these Tigers are last years White Sox, or this years Cincinnati

The White Sox meanwhile have had glimpses of a team that could be in the all time greats of baseball, but have been brutally inconsistent at other times. They truly need to lock it up. A recent 2 of 5-road trip let them gain no ground on a Tigers loosing streak. The true test will come with a three game series at home against those Tigers, where the division lead will be up for grabs. Jose Contreras, after showing Cy Young form for the first month of the season needs to bounce back from his sciatic nerve injury (therefore proving that he is 45 years old) to get this rotation that is the best in the league. This is really not an issue of whether or not the White Sox can win the division, it is rather will they go out there and do it. They are better than the Tigers, and the Tigers are the best team in the league. If the White Sox can endure this regular season, like they did last year with the Indians, they will find the playoffs excruciatingly easy.

Called It:
“This team has no offense, but a pitching staff that will be near the top of the league. Francisco Liriano will run away with rookie of the year, and be a second Johan Santana in the Twinkie dome. Those two might be able to get 35 for the Twins this year. The rest of the staff is solid, and the Nathan led bullpen is dangerous as always. The twins just will not be able to score enough runs to contend, and the though their pitching is good, it is not flawless.”
Called It:
“While Dombrowski was doing a fantastic job resurrecting the Tigers in Detroit, Allan Baird ran the Royals into the ground so far, that they are better off digging down some more, as it is closer to land. The team is in disarray, and being run like a AA team. Speaking of which, most of the Royals players are of that caliber, so maybe it isn’t so awful after all.”
Baird was fired yesterday. Funny article from the Onion: Royals Hire Tom Emanski To Teach Them Fundamentals Of Baseball
NL Central:
1.Albert Pujols
2.Cincinatti
3. Wait, Cincinnati?
They Showed Me (Thus Far) + Called It:
“6. Cincinnati Reds-Ken Griffey Jr. is back in town, and is fully expected to have a pre-trade year. Griffey truly deserves this, after enduring injury after injury, he had been put back, by default, on the podium of great power hitters. The Reds though, might never arrive in town. They might be able to score 10 runs a game, but they would give up 15 in the process.”
I am not a stubborn person, but I’m standing my ground on the Reds. Sure, I like the Reds, but second in the Central. That is a fluke that the Reds like to do once every few years until Griffey goes down. But this year, Griffey doesn’t look like he is going down. I probably should have noted that when I did the preview.

By the way, Albert Pujols…

CALLED IT!

Not to brag or anything.

Houston is right on track on what they need to do to win the Wild Card. They also did their best job in the Rocket race, and came up victorious, if 22 mil rationed for three months of work is winning. In this case, it might be.

Called It:
“3. Milwaukee Brewers-This team is on the upstart, but they have an over achieving pitching staff that is nothing less than suspect. Their bullpen might not be able to hold games, and they have no dominant pitcher to hand the ball off to in the 9th to save the game. This team also has the best group of young players in the league, and will be a dominant force and possibly contend for a crown…next year.”
I should really do this stuff for a living. I’m that good.

Called It:
4. Chicago Cubs- The Cubs made some great off-season acquisitions (Juan Pierre), and retained some solid players (Murton, Rusch) and, if healthy, would win the Central, but when have you ever known the Cubs to be in full health?
Actually they are worse than I expected. Way to be the Cubs…

And for some reason, I really like the Pirates. Their pitching is awful, but they are fun to watch and when your team is so inferior, that is what you need. I really hope that they keep the core of this team together, because with a few arms, they could be pretty good.

AL East

Everything is going to plan. Check it here. http://southsidepride.blogspot.com/2006_03_01_southsidepride_archive.html
But the Devil Rays need to pick it up. They are better than 22 wins. Seriously, do better. I’m really close to picking a perfect division.

NL East:
The Mets need to fade faster. The Braves and Phillies are holding up their end of my bargain, but Tom Glavine looks like he is going to die, and yet is still pitching out of his mind. 8-2? I thought that was his age. It appears as if he will get 300 wins, which he deserves, but seriously, this man looks like he is going to die!


Decrepit old man?

I think the real kicker is that they tried to sure up their rotation with El Duque, who might be the only person older than Tom Glavine in this league. Oh, wait; they have Julio Franco, who was literally born in the ‘50s. Julio Franco is actually older than my father, and only a few years away from Social Security and a 3.50 matinee movie ticket. My God is that man old. The question is how can David Wright have a conversation with these guys. It would probably go like this.

Wright: Hey, Tom great job today.
Lastings Milledge (greatest baseball name ever): Did you see D5’s pick at 3rd? It was off the hook!
Franco: Back in my day we used to play without gloves!
Glavine: When I played with Frank Robinson, he would go 25 feet to his left and still throw the guy out while throwing from the stands. Now where is my Serialized Fitzgerald’s?
Franco: Oh crap, I’m late for a phosphate!

They need to fade like the days of youth from their memory.

The Nationals will be selling soon, and that means good news for anyone who wants Livan Hernandez, one of the most underrated pitchers in the game. I just hope the Mets don’t get them. The geezers.

The Marlins are going to be something. In five years. Then they can sell all their talent again. But this really is the way to rebuild a team. It works. They kept their best players under 25, gave them the money and built up with A+ prospects getting valuable experience. You hear that Kansas City? The right way!

AL West:
Called It:
“4.Texas Rangers-The pitchers stink, they lost good solid position players, and the bullpen is absolutely putrid. It is a shame too, because they have Teixeira, one of the best players in the major league, stuck in the cellar in Arlington. Mark might hit .330 with 55 and 150, but no one on his team will come even remotely close to any numbers similar, and the other teams hitters will average about the same against Ranger pitching.”
The sad thing is I did call it, all of those things are true, but Texas? First place? What the hell? Looking at their stats I ask how in God’s name could they be winning the division, and for the first time ever, I have no explanation. They are an enigma of baseball. Their best pitcher has a 4.85 ERA. What are they, the Rockies? Their hitting has always been exceptional, but this year seems to be down. Wait, I might have an explanation, could the Rangers success be that, all the other teams in their division suck?

It is! This division is worse than the old American Association. Oakland is the only team that could possibly put up a fight against the Rangers. (It feels funny every time I type it.) And they are going out there and apparently not trying to win. They are far more talented than they play, but their bullpen in horrendous. They need all their starters to go 8 and leave to 9th to Huston Street, who is having a little sophomore slump himself.

He Showed Me:
“The A’s were decimated by injuries last year, and will get MVP candidate and all underrated team captain Bobby Crosby back for hopefully an entire year… AL MVP:Crosby”
I love Peter Gammons, but you have served my wrong sir. Let’s just pretend that I said Joe Crede.

He Showed Me:
“Adrian Beltre will respond to an awful year by performing at a higher level. It will not be MVP, but enough to win a few games, and deserve some of the money he gets paid.”
Yeah, he’s batting .230, but that is a higher level for him. This is just another reason why you should trust your instincts:
“Expect a down year from Beltre, he gave 150 percent for the Dodgers in his contract year, and carried them to the playoffs. Chances are he will go back to his normal slacker self.”
-Dieter Kurtenbach 3.5.05 “2005 Major League Preview”

NL West:
Called It:
“4. San Francisco Giants-A team this good does not deserve to have a player like Barry Bonds on it, bringing nothing but adversary towards it. They will never be able to shake his stigma off the team in general, and will underachieve under the spotlight of shame.”
Apparently They Read The Article (But still called the standings):
“5. Colorado Rockies-Now is the time to clear house, as the Rockies will sink into another vile season at altitude. Instead of going out and getting a tough and battle tested pitching staff, they decided, if you can’t beat them, emulate them, not realizing that they were emulating teams pounding awful pitching for 20 runs a game. The Rockies don’t have the talent to go out and score 20 consistently, and until they decide to play real baseball, they will be perpetually in the cellar.”

Ok, so the NL west isn’t brutal, as it was last year, but it is not exceptional either, it is a strong mediocre, with the cellar dwellers above 500 and 4 games back, (ok, it might be bad) the division is really competitive, and the most entertaining in baseball. Now the question is, are all these teams just 500, or is the competition equally matched and better than their record. Answer: inconclusive. To this point, teams are all playing roughly 500 ball in the division, and some are playing better out of the division, some floating at 500. So, it cannot yet be decided.

What has been decided though is that Brandon Webb is a beast. Then again I thought that this was going to happen three years ago. But let’s not forget that this happens rather frequently, that is a sinkerballer going 8-0 and then coasting to a better than truth record. JON GARLAND! Sorry, just had a tickle in my throat.

They Showed Me:
“3. Arizona Diamondbacks-This team is young, and short on starting pitching. They might have enough offense to make 2006 a respectable looking season, but in reality it will be lost, just like their rotation.”
Correction: Brandon Webb showed me that he could hold an entire rotation up for the first part of the season. So, when his incumbent downfall happens there will be a fat Called It next to him and the D-Backs early season predication.

Season Awards and Wild Cards

“Season AwardsMVP:AL:CrosbyNL:PujolsCY Young:AL:Zito NL:PeaveyRookie of the YearAL: Francisco LirianoNL: Ryan Zimmerman”

We already touched on my Crosby predication, but seriously, Joe Crede. (Batting .296 with 8 dingers and 33 ribis while slugging 484 and playing beyond gold glove caliber third base.) Considering that the favorite at this point is Jim Thome, I don’ t think Crede is that far removed, he plays the field. Other candidates: Maglio Ordonez, Paul Konerko, and Derrek Jeter.

If anyone argues with the NL MVP, they should die. That is why I am for capital punishment.

Al Cy Young is really up in the air at this point. It seemed a lock for Contreras at the beginning of the year, but he has struggled as of late. Zito has put it on recently, and right now I believe he is the front-runner. Other candidates: Josh Beckett, Curt Shilling, Jose Contreras, Mark Buehrle, and Scott Kazmir.

My NL prediction was not as wise; I say that right now the Winner would be Pedro Martinez, with Webb and Glavine following up.

Liriano: Called it. There are no other candidates.

I’m going to give the pole position to Prince Fielder, who is having a strong rookie campaign in Milwaukee, which of course is Algonquin for “the good land” Zimmerman needs to boost the average a bit more in order to take the cake, but he is in a strong position to do so. Hanley Ramirez and Dan Uggla are also making a good push at this award. This should be a good one to follow.

Yeah, About That…
“2. Los Angeles Angels-This team though is strong enough to go deep into the playoffs…The team is solid, but built up for a downfall, and will just be plain overmatched by the A’s down the stretch, and will squeak into the playoffs.”

E-1 on the journalist. This team is not going to make the playoffs. Right now, the White Sox hold the Wild Card, and it will be the team that does not win the AL central division that goes to the playoffs, barring a massive Detroit collapse.

I feel pretty confident in my NL pick. The Fightin’ ‘Fills are just hitting their stride. Right now LA is in the lead for that category, but I believe that they will likely win the West. I hope the Padres do, so I can save face, but I can accept the Dodgers. And even though the Wild Card is always fun in the NL, this year should be nothing less than zany.

Dieter Kurtenbach
6.2.2006

On Bonds' Steriod Use

Bonds allegedly started taking steroids in 1998, during the Mark McGuire Sammy Sosa home run chase, out of jealousy of the players. At age 35, he knew that he was in the final stages of his career, as his father had to retire from the league at the exact same age. He ‘allegedly’ took numerous steroids including Human Growth Hormone, Insulin, and Windsol. Stupidly, he had his weight trainer, a notable steroid dealer; chronicle all the steroid use, ‘allegedly’. (I repeatedly must say allegedly because nothing has been proven, yet, and if all the evidence I have seen in the book Game of Shadows is false, that makes it overly detailed and hard to make up fiction. But I digress.) Of course what happened next is history; Bonds puts up the five greatest seasons anyone besides Babe Ruth hasn’t even gotten close to touching, sets the single season home run record, and inches ever closer to Henry Aaron’s record, the most illustrious record in all of sport, the career home run record. Mind you, Bonds did all of this from the age of 38 on, a time that players are dragging out their careers ungraciously, not putting together an unparalleled streak of seasons and calling it a ‘late prime.’

Of course Bonds has been ousted, but the process of outcry has been slow to spread, and very little progress has been made. The die-hard baseball fans, like myself, feel as if not only Bonds, but also anyone who has tarnished the history of baseball by juicing have scammed them. But Bonds strikes harder. Not only is he a genuinely mean and classless man, he is a fraud who is nearing ever closer to a record he does not deserve, held by seemingly the exact opposite of him, the classy Henry Aaron. Mark McGuire, Rafael Palmeiro, and Sammy Sosa are dead to us, whisked away into a dark land of animosity, émigrés shunned by Baseball, unwanted by teams and despised by fans. None of us would have a problem with Barry Bonds getting the same fate, sooner, rather than when it is too late. I am a key member of the school of thought regarding Bonds, and any other player with substantial evidence against them should face the same fate as Shoeless Joe Jackson and Pete Rose, banishment from baseball. In contemplation, I don’t think that Shoeless Joe, illiterate, or Pete Rose, never gambled while a player, deserve an equal fate as these cheats.

Corked bats, spitballs, sandpaper, that is all part of the game, finding advantages to help your team win. Steroids are not. And while all are technically cheating, Steroids are not in the best interests of anyone except the user. They are all selfish players who shouldn’t have their names in the same sentence with baseball. I said before that these guys were worse cheats than Jackson and Rose, both banned from the game they loved, it is my opinion that the frauds should be subjected to the harshest punishment deemed appropriate and constitutional.

The stanza of To an Athlete Dying Young is in regards a man who used to be decorated and now has sunk below the level of a girl. The book claims that Bonds took a pill for women to cover up his steroid use, making the body’s testosterone amount reach its normal level so that he could pass his drug tests. I won’t go as far as to say Bonds wanted to be a girl, but he has certainly was on the right regimen, and has sunk in the public eye to be far below any of us could have imagined.

On The Past Four Years @ Fenwick

Another chapter of your lives have been written, and I suppose that’s a good thing, because the last four years were as formative and eventful as we will ever have, and now is no time to stop writing. I’ve been told that the great things is life go fast, and that you don’t really understand what they mean until they are long since past. I suppose the only reason I remember that is because it rhymed, but that should not take away from its overall message. What I am trying to get at is that ending high school is a major crossroad of our lives. Now, I am not going to go on and tell you that it is the grandest event our lives will ever experience, or that it will even crack the top 10 on the list, but take that as a good thing. The future holds many things for us, and that should make you both anxious and full of anxiety. This whole high school thing was kind of a tease. It’s as if someone put you here and said, ‘Ok, now go and work hard, have fun, make the best of yourself, and the best of friends, and when it seems to be hitting its pinnacle-we are going to send you off to repeat the same process. Hell, we might do it another few times after that.’ Yet we still made the most of it, and ended up doing alright for ourselves in the end.

I have said repeatedly that the class of 2006 is the great class to go through Fenwick High School. We set records on tests, have a stellar track record (but an ironic lack of outstanding success in track & field -go figure!) and the caliber of colleges and universities we will be attending next year, unparalleled. There has never been another class more decorated with honors. We’re like an admiral or something… When most previous classes are looking for one person to go to Harvard, we come in and overflow the system with a kid who not only gets in, but also gets damn near a full ride, (and a rousing applause at an assembly, which he so deservingly…deserved) which seems unprecedented by modern standards. But this is not Joe Edmonds’ class, (say that three times fast,) it seems that every single person in the class of 2006 has already done amazing things, and there is not a single person that does not have a bright future ahead of them. The overall character and class of the seniors is as remarkable as our accolades. Sure, not everyone rises to the podium of academic excellence (myself included, begrudgingly) but it seems that those people do not have the preverbal ‘drop off’ in excellence that the top tiered students do. The class of 2006 is possibly the most ubiquitous class in terms of sociology, so much so that there were a few prom groups with greater populations than Tokyo (and their transportation were apparently a sardine cans on wheels.) Seriously though, trying to chronicle all the good things about this class is a daunting task that would take several rolls of parchment to impart upon you, so let me tell you all about the bad things…Just kidding, but I had you there for a second didn’t I?

I remember a few great things from my tenure here at Bishop Edward Fenwick Dominican College Prepatory School. I recall the first day in school when I was fortunate enough to prepare myself on how a lock worked, and then showing the technique to a small gathering of kids trying their locker doors off the hinges. I remember the ungodly long and hot honors convocation at the end of freshman year- when I asked myself when hell became elevated, full of bleachers and in the Fenwick Auditorium- and when a mere two years later when we were in uproar on how they split the marathon up and that we all had to go back to classes. The memory of Ms. Speer strikes vividly in my mind; she made me hate and love English, sometimes at the same time, during third period freshman year, while recruiting me to join the forensics team every time I had a question. I remember how easy it was to make friends, the majority of which I will have for the rest of my life, after being scared to death I wouldn’t be able to do it. I remember the stares of confusion the first day of sophomore year when I arrived nearly a foot taller then I had left the year before. I remember the camaraderie of the gym and caf during finals week, and declaring war against my mortal enemy Herff Jones. I remember seeing the legend of Daddy first hand in Speech, which is the exact same legend every class had seen before us and will see after us. I remember Ms. Senese’s 11th period fine arts class, all the great people, and, well, I’ll refrain from commenting on the class. I forgot the boring classes, but not how to get through them. On that note, I will not forget to make the play list that I will listen to through a protruding white headphone in my shirtsleeve. I suppose I remember Poms winning state…I remember learning life lessons, the hard way. I remember all the little secrets I had on how to make a paper appear longer that it actually was. Thank god that I have forgotten all the papers I have written. I remember Dr. B’s off kilter comments, and working my way up on the Wick, and Internet radio. I remember a really delicious grilled cheese sandwich I made junior year. Man was that some fine eating. I remember the ninjas, and the bat that threatened to bring them down. I remember Kyle Hope turning on the TVs to watch “Shock and Awe” and the impromptu and premature celebration that the war was over during lunch. I remember Banuas and power naps during prayer experiences. I remember great assemblies (Pep Rallies, Christian rock music videos and Matt Kelly) and disasters (like being yelled at the end of the SADD presentation a few weeks ago and the class of 2006 abstinence day, which I was forced to attend despite the fact that I gave my word to stop at third.) I’ll remember Kairos, twice. I won’t forget the White Sox winning it all and the month of Ross Gloading around the school.  I remember watching the Pope be elected Papam in the library and Fr. Saucier telling me he would take the name Benedict a mere minute before Ratzinger shattered his dream. I won’t forget the first day when we were told to look to our left, and our right, and write one off those people off the final graduation list, and then this year being told that those words were never said. (We showed them!) I will always remember how fast word can get around about anything. The social networking skills at our school, staggering. I’ll remember the dances and the technical difficulties that you could count on. The characters that this school has produced, I remember every last one of them to a T. I will never be able to forget the Laity. (If you didn’t catch that one, its what we in journalism call a ‘shout-out’.) I remember loosing my voice and banging on buckets at hockey games. Complaining about lack of school sprit only to be happily proven wrong. I’ll never forget any of those things and so many more, and though there were some bad times here, the great times are what really matter, and those are manifest in number.

We will all remember a million things that happened in these last four years; they were pretty confusing, yet amazing times. And sure, we might say that we should have done this, or that, in retrospect, but you should never regret the last four years of your lives, because every last one of you has more than a handful of things to be extremely proud of. That is something that all of you need to remember.

-Dieter Kurtenbach
5-4-2006

On Vince Young

The NFL draft is all about numbers, and all the future NFL studs or duds could tell you this first hand. The breaking point between a first round signing bonus equal to the net gross product of many countries, or exile to the second day and later a practice squad can be the difference of a few tenths of a second in the 40 yard dash. Talk about pressure.

But with all the stats and figures, one number stands out in the crowd: 6. Six, as in the alleged score of Vince Young’s wonderlic test, and also as in the amount of yards he ran on fourth down, for six points, in the greatest football game ever played. That is the dilemma that NFL executives are pondering above the concerns of Brian Calhoun’s poor 40 time, Jay Cuttler’s arm angle, and Matt Leinart’s mobility. All that matters is six.

Wikipedia defines: The Wonderlic Personnel Test (often referred to as Wunderlich) is an intelligence test primarily known for being administered to prospective players in the National Football League since the 1970s. The Wonderlic is a twelve-minute, fifty-question exam to assess aptitude for learning a job and adapting to solve problems for employees in a wide range of occupations. The score is calculated as the number of correct answers given in the allotted time. A score of 20 is intended to indicate average intelligence (corresponding to an intelligence quotient of 100). It is rumored that at least one player has scored a 1 on the test.

Young’s agent has adamantly denied claims that his client had scored so low, and contrary reports suggest that Young retook the test and received a 16 for his troubles. The question is, does the suggested 6 on the test suggest that he would be a bad player in the NFL, absolutely not. People like Akili Smith have scored a 37, and gone on to be utter and complete busts. So let some of Vince’s other numbers paint you a picture of future NFL success: 30-2, 81, and 2. That is VY’s career record at Texas, his total touchdowns in three years, and the number of Rose Bowl MVP trophies Mr. Young has received. The true number is 1, as in the kind of a player he is, one of a kind.

All I know is that Vince Young might be the best player to come out of the Draft since Peyton Manning, and if I was an NFL GM in the mid region of picks, I would hope this talk of Young’s intelligence never ends. Maybe you could have a great face of your franchise fall into your lap. What has the NFL turned into? The Wonderlic test, which the average joe on the street could not do correctly with the time constraints, is now more important than anything you have done on the field? I don’t know about you, but that is the sign that enough is enough, and in the end, all that matters is how you go out and play football. That’s how it was back in the hey-day of football, and for all of the hullabaloo about this being the NFL’s golden age; I see nothing golden about it. TO and the CBA have made the league greater than itself, and that is why it needs to get back to basics. The only six that matters is that six on the board after your team scores a touchdown. That’s the glory of football. This is not. Six…